If you’ve recently rocked to Activision’s release of the sequel to Harmonix’s shredtastic Guitar Hero 2, Guitar Hero 3: Legends of Rock, you’ll no doubt notice a lot that’s changed. A lot of it is aesthetically different from its predecessor for better or worse, but there’s a lot of core things about the game that are just so poorly executed that it becomes painful to play. When I play the Guitar Hero games I like to pick up a guitar and do my best to melt as many faces as I possibly can in the alloted time I have to play. This aspect of the game, which made it what it is today, has been completely nuked for the third installment, which in itself is still a good guitar playing game. The problem remains that it’s only a good guitar game and nothing more. The problems with Guitar Hero 3 that need to be remedied are, to say the least, colossal.
Animate your models!
I know that the character animation should be the least of my concerns in a game that has me focusing on a fictional fret board but I can’t help but notice the drummer in GH3. The dude looks like a rocker, but secretly, deep below the seemingly flesh-and-bone body, lies C-3PO, or some other kind of robot who’s incapable of flexing his arms without falling over. The stiff animations are agonizing to watch, but worse yet is the ’sexy dancers. These women dance like they’re in desperate need of chocolate ex-lax drowning in a quart of pepto-bismol.
What’s up with your face?!
One thing Activision nailed is the facial animations and lip-sync for the vocalist. Unfortunately, he looks like Steven Tyler had an abused love child with Jay Leno, in turn creating the ugliest human being alive. A gigantic jaw and rubber mouth spanning the entire breadth of your face? Sorry buddy, you’re not getting any chicks after this gig. On a side note, Judy Nails needs to get off the stage and on to a street corner where she can make some real money. Wow. That new rack is a killer.
Little Drummer Boy
Stop Hammer Time!
Hammer-ons and hammer-offs used to be a treat for skilled players in the previous games. If you could coordinate yourself enough to riff on the fretboard without strumming you deserved your streak… In GH3 hammer-ons are literally handed out for free. I’ve found myself hammering a couple notes and stopped pressing the frets to score a 3 or 4 note hammer-on/off streak, thus throwing me off rhythm and inevitably breaking my streak. Granted, I’ve already let go of the frets, but for real, hammer-ons were a talent, now they’re something you can do while taking a nap.
Balance the Difficulty
I’m comfortable on hard. I can play expert, but enjoy playing the lesser difficulty more. I can get decent streaks and still feel like a badass while hitting three note chords and nailing solo bits, but the difficulty, even on hard mode, has been jacked to the top. While hard mode begins fairly congruent with it’s name, the third or fourth tier of tunes immediately become impossible for me, a GH veteran. Checking out the first tier on expert had me on my knees and in tears. I don’t feel like I’m having a good time on hard because it kills me, but medium is still unbearably dull. Where’s that comfortable middle ground I’ve known for years?
Ditch the Bosses
It’s a rhythm game. I’m playing a guitar… Why am I fighting another guy?
Ditch the Battle Mode
Not only do I have to put up with Tom Morello being some kind of villain, but now I have to play him competitively in some ridiculously conceived game mode where my star power becomes an attack. Overloading amps, breaking strings or whammy bars and doubling notes is not my idea of a good time. Not only is it a stupendously stupid idea, I need to make the bosses fail. I can’t be better than them, I have to make them totally bomb, while they win in any other situation. Talk about stacked. I hope someone got frickin’ fired over this decision.
Ditch the Story
One of the first things I said in this story is “When I play the Guitar Hero games I like to pick up a guitar and do my best to melt as many faces as I possibly can in the alloted time I have to play”. This goes out the window when there’s some stupid little cut-scene following my band around on tour between every set. Watching the band get sponsored again never gets old. Really guys, show me the same thing again. Please. It’s totally intere – Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Now loading GoogleMaps…
The intro menu is cluttered with obnoxious imagery so navigating it is a chore. Finally figuring out what you’re looking for literally takes effort, and I’ve quit more songs than I’ve wanted to trying to restart the song. It’s also difficult to find specific things about certain characters such as guitars/finishes as well as outfits without getting de-railed in to the credits or something. Speaking of outfits…
Pallet Swapped!
Activision tried so hard to make characters customizable but honestly, different hair/clothing colors? That’s it? Where’s the customization? Why can’t Axel Steel wear a vest, combat boots and rock a giant clock neck chain or something? No? Okay, I guess I’ll take a red vest instead.
Before I Forget…
When you pick your tracklist, for the love of all things remotely holy, pick recognizable songs. I can pick one or two songs off each set-list that I know, while the others are familiar to music-buffs exclusively. I can name a couple songs here and there but for the most part these tracks are all totally forgettable because I didn’t know them in the first place… Also:
Most of the songs are BORING TO PLAY
… That is all.
My final complaint is to do with the 360 version only… Achievements are a big selling point for a lot of Xbox 360 games, and having to complete a song with the volume off on expert, play a hard/expert career with a regular controller or win 15 ranked matches consecutively is absolutely ludicrous. These aren’t entertaining to get, so why bother? Do I really need the 5 points for failing a song at 90% +? I think I’ll be okay.
Honestly I’m already tired of this edition of Guitar Hero. I still haven’t finished a career on hard and don’t see me playing the career anywhere beyond that. Online is pretty much flawless so that’s a bonus and like I said, it’s still a good guitar game. You still rock out to some songs with a toy-guitar which isn’t all bad. Also, the new Les Paul guitar almost makes up for the faults at hand… almost. This game is the best advertisement Rock Band could ever ask for.
November 10th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
You obviously don’t know music if you think the tracklist is full of unrecognizable songs. Also, calling the game into question because of your inability to pass songs on hard is a cop out to say the least. The bosses are a welcome addition as they allow for more solos, created by the artists themselves. You don’t have to beat them to move on (“wussing out” lets you continue the game).
Quit whining like a little girl.
November 11th, 2007 at 4:09 am
The problem isn’t that I’m copping out with Hard… I love playing on that difficulty and this game jacked the difficulty higher than the previous games, which I’m used to.
The Bosses are totally a bad thing – it takes me out of my jamtastic enjoyment and makes me realize “Oh my good god, I’m playing a boss battle in a rhythm game”.
I don’t like skipping them because I like to see what the game has to offer… You’re defending the Boss Battles, but recommend skipping them to get more enjoyment from the game. Your contradiction confuses me.